SARAH WOLF | WRITER, READER, GAMER
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My Inner Worlds
Since learning of my allergy to PPD in January, I’ve taken baby steps to remove the chemical from my life. Since it’s virtually impossible to do so (hello, laptop keyboards and cool phone cases), I’ve purchased clear silicone covers for my tech devices. Dark eye makeup is gone from my styling routine—and until my face has completely recovered, no makeup touches the area around my eyes. The one thing I couldn’t easily eliminate without shaving my head, was the hair color I’ve used for many years to “beautify” my locks. For two weeks I debated the pros and cons of keeping my hair long. While the outside observer would think my allergy had gone away, every time my hair touched my face, I itched. Keeping my hair pulled back in a ponytail worked for a day, but I just didn’t want to look like a cheerleader at the office. I decided to chop the hair and maintain it at super-short layers until my natural hair grows long enough where I can do something with it. I have consciously grown my hair long for six years. My stylist Christina Hardesty has been with me through this entire journey, even keeping me from cutting it short after my car accident in 2016. My past has been one of shocking transitions when it comes to my hair, going from long to short with no in-between state. While this new look is incredibly different from what I’ve had in recent times, it didn’t come from a place of wanting to be different or to draw attention to my daring nature, which was the motivation in my younger years. I laugh that what I used to do for selfish reasons, I now had to do out of true medical need.
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If you’ve followed my blog these past several months, you know I’ve had a weird allergic reaction affecting my eyes. I finally consented to see a dermatologist, which went against every stubborn bone in my body. He recommended a contact patch allergy test to help determine what chemical I’ve exposed myself to. Last week I went through that sneezy time (because I had to be off antihistamines for over a week) and endured an itchy back for five days. I couldn’t shower or exercise during this time—yuk, I know, but very much worth the discomfort to me and possibly those around me. While Matt and I thought my back reacted to quite a few of the 69 chemicals taped to my back, the doctor diagnosed only one allergy. The chemical PPD (paraphenylenediamine). The chemical that is in my hair color, my eye makeup, my black leather purse, my boots, and for all I know, in my computer keyboard. I haven’t had the courage to Google that one yet. The treatment? Stop using these products as much as I can. When asked “Are my days of hair coloring over?” my doctor looked at me and nodded yes. Can you feel the deflating of my spirit? My hair appointments are a highlight (no pun intended) of my beauty regime. One of my friends at the yoga studio voluntarily stopped dyeing her hair and embraced the gray months ago, but that was her choice. I guess I have a choice to still color my hair, but the cost of horribly swollen, burning eyes is not worth it. The silver lining is that I can still use my leather products as long as I don’t touch my eyes. Well, I rarely touch my eyes, so that should be easy. When I informed Matt, he laughed. “You touch your eyes all the time!” I do? Obviously I must since my eye area hurt for over six months. My body is now retraining itself to NEVER touch the eyes. Never. Unless I just washed my hands. It’s actually difficult to stop this bad habit. Mascara and other dark-colored makeup contain PPD, so I’ve determined to embrace the true color of my hair (whatever that is) and to not use cosmetics around my eyes. Since I stopped eye makeup a couple months back, I think everyone is used to my more natural look, including me. Now to test this theory that PPD caused my painful eye reaction. My new mantra: don’t touch the eyes, don’t touch the eyes.
Technically, it’s half a snow day since my office opens at noon. Also, I could work from home, so I really don’t get a snow day. But I’ve taken this morning's hint from nature and slowed down. When the weather shuts down a city (as a dusting will do in the Southeast), it’s wise to also take a moment or two to go inside and see what’s happening. My body has been whimpering for yoga. The past couple of months have been my busy time at work, so my yoga practice has suffered. I’ve accepted this is the natural flow of the year for me, for as long as I have my current job. Since I love my job, I’m accepting the cycle of church accounting life. Enter snow day. My yoga mat unrolled itself in my exercise room. My Yin props floated to the floor from the corner where they have gathered dust for weeks. And I enjoyed over an hour of quiet, except for listening to my body telling me that all the progress I made with six solid months of yoga practice will be for naught if I don’t have a plan for a semi-practice during the winter months. Either my yoga instructor sees me regularly, or my chiropractor does. I’d rather spend my time and money at the studio because I feel awesome every time I leave. As I write I’m eating a hot breakfast, not my usual fare during the week. Taking the opportunity to leave routine is fun. Now I have to figure out if it’s safe for me to drive on this road…
Last week I wrote about my eye allergy and how a dream led me to eat pomegranate seeds as a potential cure. I had used process of elimination, but found no obvious trigger or allergen that caused redness, swelling, and burning around both eyes…for months. This past Friday, the day after the winter solstice in the northern hemisphere, my eyes stopped getting worse. Yesterday, they were slightly better; and this morning, little to no swelling. They still burn and have some redness--the skin needs to heal after months of abnormal irritation. Do I know what’s making it better? No, other than I’ve suffered enough. Someone up there has taken pity on my condition and granted me a Christmas boon. Thank you, mysterious someone. To all who celebrate Christmas, I hope you have an enjoyable holiday and make special memories with your loved ones. I will be doing my best to not trigger whatever the heck caused my eyes to swell in the first place.
Peace, love, and a whole lot of joy to you! |
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