SARAH WOLF | WRITER, READER, GAMER
Menu
My Inner Worlds
Last night I experienced my second Bikram yoga class, followed by hot Yin. I’ve been practicing yoga for over five weeks now. At first Bikram held no attraction, and I felt no intention to try it. The yogis in my Yin class spoke highly of it, and one of the instructors gave me a gentle nudge to attempt another style of yoga. When Raleigh Yoga Company hosted Billy Batten to lead a Bikram workshop, I thought it would be a great introduction to a form that intimidated me (see post here). I gave myself permission to wait until the August class schedule was published before signing up for an actual session. Slight procrastination, but with a deadline.
This past Sunday’s Yin class led by Susan Heller kicked me in a deep place (see post here). I obviously feel safe at this studio--with the instructors, as well as the yogis who share their energy in the room. My emotions released and I sobbed—yeah, one of those people, although I tried to hold it back. Afterwards Susan lent me her autographed hardcover of Bikram Yoga by Bikram Choudhury since she knew the next day would be my first class using this method. Reading the philosophy behind Bikram gave me a framework to appreciate it and to begin letting go of my fear of the unknown. I’ve ordered my own copy of the book so I can study it in leisure and reference the poses between practice.
My first Bikram class was a blur. Twenty-six poses seamlessly woven together while we sweat in a room heated to 104 degrees doesn’t allow for extraneous thoughts. However, those tricksy feelings lurk and wait for that comfortable moment when they can strike and say, “Don’t forget we’re still here!” Usually it’s my hips that hold this distressed voice, but Monday’s Bikram session opened a figurative scab in my upper neck where I thought my pain was a solid bone fused in unhappy union with my skull. While this may sound negative or gross, it’s a hopeful turn for healing something I once thought permanent. If the chronic pain I experience is truly a scab covering an old wounded spot, I can work to process the underlying issue. My chiropractor treats the bone, the alignment, and has done well for where I have been these past five years. However, I’m ready to move into a new body and a new way of seeing Sarah.
I want to use Bikram yoga as my magnifying glass to show me all the places where my balance is off, both literally and figuratively. If you’re in the hot room with me, you’ll see that I stumble out of the poses requiring balance. That helpful orange wall may develop a permanent handprint until I find my equilibrium. Who knows, maybe I’ll start a trend and all newbies to Bikram will get their handprint on the wall, in a color of their choice of course.
Bikram says, “Is it better to suffer for 90 minutes in ‘Bikram’s Torture Chamber’ or for 90 years?” I choose the 90 minutes so my coming years will be bliss. Yin has already begun a change within my mind and body. Where will I be when I have five weeks of Bikram under my mat? Tune in after Labor Day for my five-week check-in. I won't be able to hold the pose shown below in that timeframe, but I will eventually be limber and strong enough due to a loving community of yogis who cherish the success we share in each class.
0 Comments
Yesterday I took a workshop taught by Billy Batten of Bikram Yoga Wilmington, hosted by Raleigh Yoga Company. I have now been practicing yin yoga for four weeks and continue to love it. Bikram is the next step for me, and I wasn’t sure what to expect from the afternoon’s training. I was the only one there who had never taken a Bikram class. Thinking the workshop was for people like me, a total newbie, I was a bit surprised to see folks there who have decades of experience in this method. I chose to feel special for being the only true beginner out of a room of eighteen yogis.
Billy said Bikram yoga is for the broken, physically or emotionally. I’m doing yoga to help with my spinal pain (see post here), and I can always become more emotionally healthy (see post here). Bikram uses the body to change the body, an empowering tool. He asked us why we come to yoga. If the reason is to look good in our poses, we can lose our motivation. My intent is to relieve the constant pain in my upper neck that gives me headaches and blurs my vision, as well as deepening the connection with my body’s knowledge and understanding. I’ve ignored the body’s quiet song long enough.
After the workshop I moved into the regular yin yoga class, which had more people in attendance than usual. The studio has been open for just over two months, and I’ve been spoiled by classes with only a handful of students. I can sometimes get overwhelmed by a crowded room and will avoid situations where I know there will be a lot of people. But this is yin yoga. I breathed and allowed the energy of everyone there to softly flow within my imagined space. Yin embraces discomfort, and I had an opportunity to be vulnerable inside a packed room. The class felt short, which tells you how good it was—the hour flew by. During an intense hip pose, I finally let go and cried through the pain that’s been in my left hip for some time, hindering my gait during walks. I had a chance two weeks ago to cry it out during Saturday yin, but I didn’t want to sob with a medical doctor on the mat next to me. Yes, I have my unfair prejudices.
In final savasana (“corpse pose”), I allowed the tears to fall and relaxed into the posture. Towards the end of it, I saw in my mind’s eye a circle of concrete blocks beginning to crack, transforming into living flowers. It was a beautiful image, and I feel the flowers are within my strengthening body. They aren’t there yet, but I have a picture to use each time I go to yoga—I’m transforming concrete into beautiful blossoms.
Thank you to Billy for sharing his wisdom, and to Laura and Susan for inviting him into their studio. I’m grateful to be a part of Raleigh Yoga Company’s growing practice.
Twenty-one summers ago I began a meditation practice. It started from an internal schism between my workaholic nature in public accounting and a desire to be healthy. I felt stressed every day and consumed way too much caffeine so I could keep going nonstop. After the busy tax season that year, I found a flyer advertising an Introduction to Meditation course. I signed up and proceeded to learn different variations of meditation over the six-week class, which allowed participants to choose which one they liked best and incorporate that into a daily routine.
Over the next year I meditated regularly. I even bought a special chair for sitting still in comfort. (That first one wound up being not so comfortable, so I invested in an Ekornes chair that I use to this day.) The following spring I took the advanced meditation course, which I don’t recall very well. I just remember that after the final class my instructor, a mental health therapist, talked to me about starting therapy and offered to work with me. I liked her mind-body awareness, and we had already built trust between us in a non-therapy setting. We began the work of diving into Sarah, and I saw her at least once per week for the next two years. If you’re considering therapy, it’s well worth the investment, when/if you find a person you trust with your inner self.
My meditation practice lasted for a few years, and then it waned as other aspects of life took my attention. While I used stillness and silence in my new interests, it wasn’t focused meditation time.
A month ago Matt asked if I’d join him in a seven-week webinar meditation course. Because these are the types of things that we do on our dates, I said sure. Due to a miscommunication between us, I thought Matt personally knew this guy and that he lived locally in Chapel Hill. I expected a white-collar man who looked like a doctor and probably had a soft torso. When I saw the monk on-screen, I dismissed the class based on his appearance and his accent. He is from India, dresses in full orange regalia, and obviously cares for his body. It’s what one would expect of a yogic meditation teacher, so why did I feel skeptical?
The concepts shared by the monk resonated with me. While I had doubt on one side because he didn’t look like I thought he should, I felt the truth of the meditation flow through me. I had a bad headache that evening, which lessened to almost nothing during the mantra-based stillness. I felt peaceful and centered after the hour. In case you’re interested, here’s the link to the recording.
Our homework was to meditate for at least five minutes morning and evening each day—ten minutes total. I’ve done two five-minute sessions instead of the fourteen we were assigned. Week Two begins this evening, so I feel like I have a fresh start on homework. Will I get my gold stars each day? Check back for an update in a few weeks. I might even have a renewed meditation practice by then.
|
Archives
April 2022
Categories
All
|